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."Each night was torment. If I tried to sleep without masturbating, Isuffered erotic dreams all night. Needless to say all featured Rosie. IfI gave in to my weakness and did play with myself, I found myselfreaching for the hidden panties. I was racked with guilt and lust.The night before the funeral, everything was ready. The girls had leftfor the evening. The mood was somber. We started to talk about my wifeand daughter, our collective memories of trips to the beach, an artgallery visit to London, a family holiday in Cornwall.I noticed that Rosie was crying, something I had never seen before.However dark her mood, she had always reached for anger, not sorrow. "Iloved her, you know. Really loved her. Her argument with her mother wasabout me. I killed them. It was my fault."I was struck dumb. It all made sense. "That's why I'm here. To look afteryou. To make up for the guilt." Before I could say anything she pressedon. "I'm sorry, and I know I have a funny way of showing it, but you. Perhaps these two cuties will have some things in common with me that might make talking easier. Maybe the bands they follow, or the TV shows they used to like &hellip, or are they still young enough to watch some of the teen TV that I secretly enjoy? In no way will you start by asking them about TV shows, Paul, I sternly remind myself. Dont assume that theyll be into violent video games, either. Liz continues to pull others into the conversation &hellip, to my great relief. That means I can get away with mostly smiling at people, which Im good at. Smiling and nodding, laughing pathetically or even half hysterically at any excuse. Its so much easier to cheer for Liz than have people hanging on my every word not that this would ever happen, of course. Not unless Im with my very closest of friends, a few mates in England with whom Ive lost all trace of shyness. Err &hellip, my names Paul, I offer, continuing my campaign to be classified as a dumbo erectus. I can see my poster on the.
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