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Indeed, she was encouraged to think so. She thought that she herself must have been very naughty in some way for him to have left her, though she had no idea what it was she could have done. Alice wept and grieved bitterly and her maternal grandmother, who was a dominant matriarch, refused to allow her father any contact with Alice. His letters and presents to her were intercepted and destroyed before Alice was aware of them. This was helped by the fact that when he left home, the father moved away to make his fortune, as they say in adventure stories, whilst she was brought up to distrust men, all of whom are inherently selfish and cruel, and to despise her father in particular who had, she was told, left them almost penniless. Alice was not to know, of course, that her maternal grandmother had been seduced, became pregnant, and was obliged to marry the father, when but a girl of nineteen. No other course of action was possible in those days, of course, and in some ways her. "How do I do this, guys?" I asked.There was no answer."Fine, be that way. I'll figure it out myself."The day before when I had ... whatever you might call what I had done ... I had been asleep. I doubted that I would be able to fall asleep in my agitated state of mind, but I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes anyway. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I reached out with my consciousness and tried to feel the ants on my desk. After a moment my awareness of the room around me became clearer, even with my eyes closed. The awareness grew, and soon I could envision the entire room! It wasn't like seeing with my eyes, but every detail of the room was crystal clear: the drawer in my dresser where I kept my tee-shirts was part way open; my left shoelace was untied, and there was an apple core behind the garbage can under my desk that was starting to get moldy.So far, so good, I thought. I focused my awareness on the window and beyond. I felt something in the yard and concentrated.
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