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As we talked I nevertheless got the feeling there was some other undercurrent between them and the client that I was missing. The more we talked the more I was sure that there was something else going on.I finally confronted my feeling aloud, “I applaud all you’ve done and your planning. I can’t think of any contingencies to worry about based on what you said. Nonetheless, there’s something else going on that I feel I should know about.” I shut up at that point and let the silence build between the three of us. I stared at each of them.I knew there was something when Carol and Todd kept locking eyes, as though they were silently trying to figure out who would be the one to spill the beans to me.Todd finally took a deep breath and spoke. “Errr, Carol and I have kind of fallen into a relationship with two people on the client team.”I looked at each of them and sensed what I thought was happening. I smiled slightly, “A sexual relationship?”Carol nodded before Todd could respond. She. Gradually the word spread that I was an easy lay, and I began to be asked to party's in some of the strangest places, always with Joel in tow. He accepted what I was doing, and as long as he took me home and got a bit, everything else I did was okay.I had read somewhere that hate breeds hate, now I knew whoever wrote it was right. I had also read somewhere, that to turn your life around you had to reach rock bottom. Little did I know how soon that would happen?The weeks turned into months. As each week passed, I began drinking more, smoking more, loosing control over my body. I was now a welcoming pit for all comers. I hated myself for what I'd become, but was unable to stop the downward spiral. Sue was the only one in the house that knew what was happening to me. Many a night after I had come home, stoned, drunk, and used, did she creep into my room to comfort me. Mum tried to help, but all she got for her troubles was abuse, then when I'd cooled down, I hated myself for the things.
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