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After twenty minutes I began to feel conspicuous and asked for the menu, to provide both something to read and a screen behind which I could hide. Every time the door opened I was ready to leap from my seat, only to be disappointed on each occasion. The restaurant began to fill and my despondency grew. By eight fifteen I had begun to think I would be eating alone. Half past eight found me on my third coffee and second brandy — and getting ready to slink home. Another quarter of an hour, I decided, was as long as I would wait. The door opened at twenty to nine and a bedraggled figure appeared, shaking an umbrella and dripping water from a raincoat. It looked like a woman, but her head and face was hidden beneath the hat pulled down hard on her head. I watched her as a waiter took the hat, wet coat and umbrella. As she turned to face me I recognised Dani — maybe I wouldn’t have to eat alone. There was still the risk that my Goddess might arrive but I’d resigned myself to accepting I’d. ” I saw pleading in his eyes. He had no idea what came next.“Everybody take your cantaloupes,” I announced, holding two hands up like they were cradling a six-inch sphere. “Chomp ... chomp ... chomp ... chomp,” as I pretended to eat the imaginary fruit. I spit out the seeds “Ptooh ... Ptooh ... ptooh.”I held the fictional lemon up on three fingers. “And now the lemon.” I slurped the fruit up and contorted my face into the sourest look imaginable. Karl and I took our seats to cheers and applause.“You could have warned me you were changing it up,” Karl whispered as we headed for our seats.“It’s fun to riff up there,” I countered. “You did great, Karl.”Carter and Christopher agreed with me. They praised their dad’s performance. Noah and Connor congratulated me too, but with a little less enthusiasm. They were used Will, Kyle or me making fools of ourselves at Boy Scout camp.Jon Miller did announcements before the last set of awards. The final announcement caught my boys’ attention. “Pack.
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