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. in a way."Inside, I was soaring around the room scattering confetti. I wanted all of Sheila's cheerleaders to come and cheer. We'd gotten boyfriends almost without trying. Oh, this was such a fun time in my life.We spent the rest of the weekend with the guys.Paul and Mike slipped back into their work the next day, and neither Sheila nor I heard from them at all week until the afternoon of New Year's Eve. Every night we'd touch base with each other with the question, 'Did you hear anything?' and the answer was always negative. So much for having boyfriends!I got a text from Paul the afternoon of New Year's Eve, which happened to be a Friday night; 'Are you busy tonight? Could we ring in the New Year together, along with Mike and Sheila? XOXOX Paul.'I was sort of pissed, being taken for granted that I had nothing else going on for New Years, the biggest party night of the year. Despite the insult I did want to see the two of them, especially Paul.Sheila had the same reaction I did,. ”✧ ✧ ✧This one is from fmwarmacSo I asked my wife, “Why do you keep buying plants when you just kill them?”She said, “To remind you what I’m capable of.”✧ ✧ ✧Last week I bought a brand new boomerang, even though I can’t seem to get rid of the old one.People who put some money away each week just aren’t shopping hard enough.I bought some fridge magnets. So far, I have 10 fridges.A jellyfish walks into a hardware store and buys ten drills.Supermarket: a place where you can spend a half-hour looking for instant coffee.How can you spot people who can’t count to twenty? They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.I bought some Haagen-Dazs ice cream, and as the cashier rang it up, I asked: “How do you pronounce that.” She said slowly: “Five dollars and 29 cents.”✧ ✧ ✧left my last girlfriend because she wouldn’t stop counting. I wonder what she’s up to now.Drugs don’t kill people – people who run out of drugs kill people.I tried to join the Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting – but.
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