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Itwas true. The impossible had happened and now it all hit me. I didn'tknow what to do and my head dropped to the side, tears coming down mycheeks."Theresa?" I sobbed.Chapter FiveWhat would she think of me, how could she want me, I'm not a mananymore, how can I face the kids, my family, friends, neighbors, Larry? My whole life is upset, what will I do, what am I, who am I? Questionswithout answers hit my mind like rapid fire machine gun rounds rattlinginside a tank. Despite my pain, nothing was real, nothing was grounded.Existential questions pounded my brain with increasing ferocity.Despite the meds, my mind was running 500 mph and not going anywhere. Ididn't hear anything anyone in the room was saying, I didn't notice Fr.Michael leaving the room. Courtney blathered on in the background aboutwhat I'll never know. Finally, there was a knock on the door. Terrianswered and shot a glance to Brent and Courtney. They excusedthemselves. A couple of minutes later, Theresa walked. "I'm glad the diarrhea is over." That's the worst part, you know."Dr. Nihle was an older woman, maybe 40s, dressed in black slacks and awhite blouse, with curly bright blonde hair in a bob. She looked like ateacher and was so patient with me that I actually found it annoying."I thought the worst part was the third week?"Dr. Nihle shook her head.My voice sounded like a little kid's. It was a little kid's. I tried notlooking at myself in the mirror because it was creepy. It was likelooking at a kid-sized version of myself but with a head too big for mybody. I looked like an alien. Rachel wanted me to take a picture for herbut I refused. She also wanted me to call her so she could hear mylittle kid's voice, and I also said, "No fucking way."Rachel had been a big help, though. We texted a ton this past week. Allmy guy friends had sent me shit mocking me, like "always knew u were apussy!" from Robbie. The other basketball teammates sent me a "get wellsoon" card that they all signed, but a.
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