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Knowing that Christmas was just weeks away( it was their favorite time of year) and that she was all alone had become a harsh reality. As I came before her I saw to my horror that she held a knife to her wrist and was about to make the fatal cut. I reached for her just in time. I took the knife from her hand and laid it on the counter beside her. I turned her to face me and as she looked into my deep green eyes I said ‘ My beautiful child, I know that this is hard for you and that you feel lost but please this is not the answer. Look to heaven, know that your love is there waiting for you and that if you chose to take your own life you shall never join him there.’ ‘ I know, but it just hurts so much I so long to see him to know that he still loves me.’ as I hold her I give her a glimpse of heaven. And there before us stands her love with open arms. I release her and she runs to him. They embrace and he covers her with kisses. They make love slowly and as he releases he to go she. My family ... my selfishness. She prescribed the pills, but warned me how they could be dangerous. I guess I got careless and forgot her warning. I'm sorry if I frightened you." Is the therapy helping?" I asked."Yes ... I think so. I think I know who I'm looking at in the mirror now. It isn't a pretty picture, but it's real ... it's me." You can change that, Mom. You can go back to who you were ... before," Tommy said reassuringly."I hope so, Tommy. That's what I want ... more than anything. I've already made some decisions about that. I've decided to quit my job when the therapy sessions are over. I'll go somewhere else and start over. I've got skills, so I'm not worried about it. At least I won't be prostituting myself to get ahead," she said with a tone of regret.Tommy looked shocked, probably unaware of his mother's reasons for her liaison with Peter Ambleton. I would try and find the words to explain it to him later, but Sylvia took the matter out of my hands."Don't look so.
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