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Humility is taking stock and making a realistic assessment of who and what you are and behaving appropriately. If I can get 'humility' right, I might be able to avoid 'humiliation'. I might just get just one step ahead of them. Perhaps I can avoid being tripped up so much. Perhaps even avoid some of the traps and ambushes they set for me. It might even help me survive, somewhere deep down as Jennifer. And yet, if I willingly search for the position they want me to occupy, will there be anything of Jennifer left?Ssisma (I think it is) brings food – back to the usual plain but wholesome menu (but then what could I expect after my ridiculous attempt at an electronic escape?) – and a note in Russian which I am relieved I can read now, to tell me I will spend the day on cleaning duties – so what a relief! But Mendeleyev must know what happened. Surely. What was it he said? 'I believe Neena has things to discuss with you.' So the embarrassment is delayed but it will come soon.. The flood gates open and my vision becomes glassy looking through the film of tears. I take a drink of beer only so I can put the solo cup in front of my face. I chug the whole thing so I can keep the cup there long enough, hoping the tears will go away by the time I’m done, but they don’t. I’m still standing there crying. I hear someone behind me laugh and that’s when I realize I don’t want to be here anymore. The only reason I came was because of Rachel and Tia and they’ve left me. I put my head down and head for the door. No one tries to stop me. In the back of my head I was hoping at least Tia would come up and stop me, telling me she’s sorry. I get through the front door and before I know it I’m walking back down the same sidewalk I was just on not that long ago. I shouldn’t have chugged the beer as I start to feel a little dizzy. I’m such a lightweight. I get to my car and start rifling through my purse for my keys. Of course it’s the one thing I can’t find. I have a moment of.
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