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I want to be female because that's who I am.I never accepted any compromise. I wouldn't crossdress, take hormones orcontemplate surgery. What I want can't be satisfied by any of those. Idemand perfection, even if it's unattainable. I want the real experienceof being a woman at the genetic level, otherwise I'd rather have nothingat all. I'd take oblivion before I abandoned my dream. After all, it's whoI am.And that's why I say god is a prankster: I see beautiful women every dayof my life. I can't turn on the television, walk outside or switch on acomputer without being confronted by the one thing I can never have. Doyou understand? Right there in front of me, day in, day out, the mediavomits an endless stream of untainted feminine perfection into my livingroom.I can worship it.I can bask in it.I can drink it in until I've lost all taste for it.But it's just a fantasy. Dangling just outside of reach, never something Icould partake of.I've carried this secret around inside of me since I. My wife has used this machine for years and never had a problem with it, but every time I come within six feet of it, it becomes a hypochondriac. Needles fall out, belts break, and gears grind. The thread tension becomes as erratic as the chart of a brain wave, leaving great gobs of thread on the underside of whatever is being sewn.This time I approached it as I would a faithful old dog. I patted it on the head, spoke kindly nonsense to it and stroked its well worn spine. I softly explained what I was doing as I loaded the thread, filled the bobbin and threaded the machine, hoping this would keep it from being confused and doing something awful to my sewing. It seemed to work, pieces of cloth began to assemble into something resembling a blouse. I was amazed, I uttered not one unfeminine word during the entire process, the blouse was finished and all that remained was to sew on the buttons.I should have known better, it was just too easy. The machine worked perfectly, the operator.
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