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Maybe. It's not like I haven't been fucking around ever since we met. But ... it's just for that reason that I don't want her to be on the other side of the ship when I need a friend in the middle of the night." Now Lessa really was blushing, but Shelly's eyes held Don's. "You need to share."Don looked down at the table, composing his thoughts. It was amazing how well rehearsed words vanished when the moment finally came. He picked up his glass, just to have something for his hands to do."It's not like I haven't been alone for years. I doubt one evening with Lessa, even as wonderful as I now know she is, means I can't survive unless she's always near me. Besides," he said, looking over at Lessa, "loving you scares me."Lessa reached over and took his hand. He looked down as her fingers entwined with his, long, calloused fingers, warm ... comforting ... frightening. He turned his gaze to Shelly."See? I ... I honestly don't know how to react to that. It's going to take ... awhile before. To explain something to you. But, if you don't mind, I'd like a cup of tea."In dressing-gowns, they went downstairs and brewed tea to take back to bed, where they leaned back against the head-board, John's arm round her as she leaned against him."Explain it how you like," she began, "a friend of mine described having several ... visits ... by his dead wife. I won't tell you the story, because it's his story, but I said to him ... I was sad I'd never had a visit from Barry after he died; I felt so alone. Then last year, I dreamed of him and his wife, who died a year or so before I met him; they said I would meet my life-mate this year. Tonight I dreamed of them again. Now that I'm with you, they can go on, they said. I'm not sure why I was crying. Perhaps there was more than one reason; that they'll be going completely out of my reach, that my grief and their love for me was holding them back, perhaps just because I have to let go of some of my past. As I said, it's a new start." Our.
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