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I will abide by your decision, for the good of our marriage. I want to do this London thing and I still love you, Karl. I will help you keep your promises on weight, drinking, and our social life together. We can have sex as often as you want it. I make no threats about taking another lover: it is Rex or nobody else. If you say no, it is finished." I wrapped it up with my best shot at keeping a marriage and Rex. "Being with another man started out as your fantasy and I learned to like it. Tell me a fantasy that we can turn into reality." Finally he said, "I don't know why, but the idea of you sleeping with another man turns me on. I would want to be in the room with you, watching you two. Can I join in?" I said, "This is your fantasy, but I want Rex to turn it into reality." Karl responded, "I’d want to see Rex fucking you. I’d want to see how you two start, who touches what. I want to watch you two making out, from the very beginning. I want to hear what he calls you. You say he. .."I was begging, and I knew it... The truth is, transition is the verylast thing I wanted, I wanted desperately to be a big strong guy... Thething is we don't always get what we want...Her face softened some, I hoped she could tell I was being sincere,because I really was. "Okay... You know you can tell me anythingJordan..."I nodded. "I know that... I do... There are several things I'm stillstruggling with, with my problem... It's really hard for me to talkabout right now..." I felt the tears come unbidden to my eyes, and Itried to wipe them away. "Sam... As soon as I can... talk about it...You'll be the first to know... Please... I can't..." My voice cut offcompletely as I tried to stop the fear from causing me to completelylose it.I could see Sam's concern for me as she came over and hugged me. "It'sokay Jordie... I'll be here when you're ready..." I felt Mom's handgently rest on my shoulder...I knew I was going to explode any moment, I gently pulled away. "I knowSam... I need to.
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