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A recovering alcoholic. It had cost her her marriage and her relationship with her children. It had been a very high price to pay. I met her not long after she joined AA. I admired her courage. She blamed no one but herself and knew it was a sickness. She dealt with it.I had no such excuse for my behavior. I was selfish. It all boiled down to that. It was always about what I wanted. I had been blind to it just as Ginny had been blind to her alcoholism. Howard's harsh words had jolted me and forced me to admit to my self-centered behavior. But I could change. I knew I could change. It wouldn't even be hard. I'd just have to be more thoughtful of others. I could do that. I would do that.When we finished the dishes, we walked to the living room and sat where we had sat on Wednesday evening. It was my turn. How to begin? I took a deep breath."Howard ... I want first to apologize. I want to apologize for hurting you and for being so stupid as to think you would accept my ... intended. Blow job, no problem, anal - act enthused. Her apparent enthusiasm and voluptuous body put her in demand, even though her face was very plain - not ugly, just plain.The others listened and reluctantly agreed when she explained. "These guys are killers. They also want sex and to think they are wonderful lovers and irresistible. They won't hesitate to rape and kill us, but if we make them think we like them, maybe we can live long enough to escape. Somebody has to be looking for us."Her strategy only worked so far. Their captors were less brutal than they might have been, but the women and girls were kept naked and locked up most of the time.Carole was also in demand as a cook. She considered poisoning her captors but was unwilling to risk killing her fellow captives. In various places around the kitchen and other rooms, she had secreted such items as an ice pick, steak knives, and a hatchet. However unlikely the chance, she was prepared to act if an opportunity presented.
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