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Then I realized what it was. Itwas that constant pull I had lived with for so long. It was gone. I nolonger felt the need to become a woman! I no longer felt it'soverwhelming tug anymore. I was free. It was like someone had lifted aheavy weight off my chest. It was so liberating.It sounds silly, but my transition into a woman cured me of the need tobecome a woman. I felt clarity for the first time in an awful longtime. I could think straight again without the heavy burden ofsomething big constantly pulling on me. That aching feeling that Ineeded to become something I wasn't was replaced overnight with a suretythat I now was that something.And surprisingly, a lot of the worst manifestations of my sexual energymelted away with that realization too. I had known for a long time thatmy need to become a woman was tightly wrapped up with my male sex drive.I could, with sex or masturbation, sometimes lower my desire to become awoman for a little while. But as my drive returned so did. Sunday proved my worries unfounded. Trip's disheveled hair looked intentionally disheveled. The jeans were well faded and clung to his ass. The T-shirt was from a concert, not a physics project. All this was beside the point. Trip could not stop smiling, Elspeth could not stop blushing and neither could stop looking at the other. I left Elspeth with Trip's mother and took Trip to a coffee shop.Coffee is a great way to waste time while someone else fills the silence. Trip gave me a lesson in my own tactics. I was ready for a warm up before he finished adding creamer and sugar. Oh well. When he finally took a sip, I asked if all the effort was worth cold coffee. To give him credit, he caught an extra level to my comment. Baby steps.I told him that fussing with coffee, or cigarettes, or personal grooming, or whatever, could be used to allow another person the first word. On the other hand, it could be rude. If he was with another person, he needed to be with them. That's a line from.
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