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He wouldn'tknow us, doesn't even recognize her, andshe wants us to remember him as he waswhen he was healthy. If he gets better, wecan see him over winter break." What do you mean, 'if'? Is he going todie?" We are all are going to die, someday,Wendy. The question is when and how. Wedon't know, but the doctors don't hold out alot of hope. He could have another, fatal,stroke, any time." Wendy managed to run with the othersisters, rather slower than usual, andsomehow carry on through dinner and studytime. Later, in bed, she tried to masturbate,but it was hopeless. It only left her feelingfrustrated and guilty. The nuns were right;self pollution is a sin, and not even anenjoyable sin. Other sins, like gluttony, mayseem enjoyable, even though they areharmful and endanger one's soul, but lust ‑‑‑lust is fruitless and pointless. Wendypromised herself, and the Virgin Mary, too,that she would refrain from self stimulation,down there.Before they boarded Black Beauty for theFriday. Three or four of them lived with us at different times, but they never stayed for long. Then She met Butch, and he moved in soon after.Butch was Mom's first black man. He had recently been released from state prison, but Mom was crazy about him. I used to listen to them fucking every night. She was always hanging on him, treating him like he was a king, massaging him, kissing on him. He didn't like me much. He treated me nice when Mom was around, but when we were alone he mostly ignored me. I think it was because I wasn't the most masculine 18 year old k**. In fact, looking back on it, I was a downright sissy. I loathed athletic sports, and was frail and a weakling. Once he told me that his 7 year old son could kick my ass! And me, an 18 year old!Anyway, as I said earlier, my favorite pasttime was jerking off several times a day. I used to go in Mom's room and sneak Butch's fuck mags and masturbate while looking at the sexy nude women. Sometimes I'd pop in one of the porno videos.
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