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. Uppon arival i smoothly asked two female store attendants where i could find makeup.. yeah sure over here, they where holding back giggles i swear and as suave as james bond i just flat out lied someone is gonna look really pretty for his birthday! (u know im just getting supplies) then i asked them about what i thoght was foundation and they wher like yeah u use it to blabla and i said yeah just wanna make sure i got this note with me im not al so sure of what everything is... So far so good..wheres lipstick? They pointed to a box of them mixed! nice nice i replyed and jokingly said i hope i can find a pink one for him so he will look real cute! (didnt find a pink wtf!) anyway didnt se those eyeöleyner pens. the attendats where still close by so i asked about it but they didnt have it! i was like ah hes proabobly gonna be really cute either way! at that point i felt as smooth as ever no way they think its for me. Little did i know my charade was about to crack, but i blame it. We'd shared too much of ourselves, an intimacy that went beyond the merely sexual, and my acceptance of her bound her to me in a way that she couldn't easily walk away from. If I'd just played with her and then fucked her, she could have blown it off as a one-time affair, a kind of mistake, and used my own guilt against me. She could have expected I'd spend the rest of the semester avoiding her, and she would have cozied up to her own feelings of being sick and perverse and accepted my rejection as the price of her perversion. At the time I met Emma I was in the second year of struggling with my Novel, my Big Project, a dry, overly-intellectual, over-thought pile of crap that got more and more discouraging and unreadable the longer I worked on it. What money I was making from writing came from writing porn—knocking off quicky romantica novels of sex and passion featuring dominance and submission, bondage and discipline, and the truth was, I was much better at writing this kind of.
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