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Even though I knew this wasn't a proper date with Cath, I was still nervous and jittery. For whatever reasons, I felt as if a lot rested on this coffee date. If I wanted Cath to see me as someone other than a kid who she had struck up a friendship with in class, then I would have to pull out all the stops and be the epitome of maturity. I didn't want her to see me as someone akin to her sons. I didn't want to be someone who she thought of as similar to them. I had developed feelings for this woman, I really liked her, and I wanted to see where this could go. If I crashed and burned in the process then so be it, but I was willing to try. I was willing to take the leap. I thought on this more as I took a seat in the coffee shop and waited for Cath. I was a few minutes early so this gave me some time to mentally prepare my speech and figure out how I was going to 'sell' myself to Cath and put forward my best qualities so she saw that I was so much more than the young kid who she sat. I kept deluding myself, telling myself that you really were a nice guy. That you really weren't doing all of these things that I was hearing." I am a nice guy," I protested. "It's just..." Time and time again I would see what you were doing and try to tell myself I wasn't really seeing it. I would try to tell myself that someday..." She took a deep breath. "Anyway, when you told me that Julie and you were just going to ride together I felt, well, jealous, threatened at first. I know we're not going together or anything but still, I feel these things, Bill. I can't help it. I've got these fucking feelings for you. But then I thought about it and decided I'd overreacted a little. I told myself that there was no way Bill would ever do anything with an engaged girl. I convinced myself that I'd let my feelings come out a little too much this time." She snorted in disgust. "I was afraid you'd be mad at me. So I came over here to tell you I was sorry about that."When I got here and saw.
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