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We both knew the story, knew howit ended.There was never a choice. In the just-completed trauma center, I had tomake a split-second decision. His body was failing but we needed hisbrain, his skill, his knowledge. "I-I'm sorry Miluko. I had noalternative. Wouldn't you have done the same?" Maybe," she said, taking another small step forward. "Did you weigh allthe options? Did you think to give me a choice in the decision? Did youeven ask?" No," I whispered, embarrassed. In the rush to save him, it never occurredto me that he might not want to be saved. I needed him too much to pass upthe opportunity to keep him alive."It's too late to be sorry about it," she said. "Do you recall my lastwords before the operation?"I nodded. "I remember them every day, every hour of the day. I alwayshave." It hurt to think about them and I understood why she was only a fewsteps inside my office. I didn't blame her for hating me. "You said,'Markham, if I survive this, I'm going to fuck you over.'"She. It’d been a long day, so we made it an early night.Laid in bed, on the cusp of sleep, Clara murmured, “Jessica offered me a bed. Jenni said that Jessica is lonely sometimes.”“How do you feel about that?”“I like it here, but I don’t want to be in the way.”“You aren’t in the way. You’re company, and you look after me. Of course, I can’t give you the attention I perhaps should, since I’m really here to write...”“You give me exactly enough attention.”“Stay as long as you like. I like having you here.”I suppose it was a very odd arrangement, but it seemed to suit Clara. Me? I was very happy. I don’t say I wouldn’t have liked to go further with Clara, but somehow what we had was enough. Since Alison was home, Clara didn’t visit Jessica over the weekend. First thing in the morning we took a brisk walk along the flood defences and finished up at the cafe for breakfast. I then got stuck in to my work. I think Clara visited Jenni and read to Davey, but was back to make sandwiches for lunch,.
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