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Good enough?”“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I was already a bit dejected. I’d put my heart into this story. Toughen up, old man.“Okay. Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one last look at the earth before I boarded for my journey to the stars.’ Something that immediately sets the scene. Then you can deal with the weight of his baggage, the nods to people he knew and worked with, and the scurry of preparing his room and meeting his neighbors. The way it reads at the moment, he might be arriving on campus for his second year of college. Once you got past the slightly awkward opening, though, the story arc took shape in a well-defined progression of events that made life on the spaceship reasonable and believable if the reader is. "Jack has made a couple of suggestions to me and I'm inclined to agree with him. I can always change my mind later if I decide differently." I turned to Serena. "Slave, I don't want to hear anything on the subject of surrendering your virginity." Serena pouted and looked cute, but I hardened my heart. "Nor will I name you until after we're married. So until then, we'll just use 'Slave' or whatever is appropriate." She gasped at this, but I carried on anyway. "Like 'darling' or 'sweetheart'." Serena gaped at me and then she realised what I had said."You ratbag, you scared me half to..."She stopped speaking as she realised what she was doing. Swiftly she knelt in the 'ready' position: knees spread wide, back straight, head high with fingers interlaced on the back of her neck. "Master, this slave begs humbly to be punished for her disrespect, Master."I was about to shrug it off when I caught Salome's eye. I waited to see what she would say."As well you should Slave, what were you.
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