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We’ve talked about it. ‘It’s that I want to make something of myself so that I’m not just a ‘babe.’ Looks fade and men will always be staring at and yearning for the newer models, just like cars. That will happen to me too one day. ‘But, I want to have my own life and my own career. I don’t want to be a gewgaw on a man’s arm, like a Rolex, something for him to show off. I know I want something more – and I know I have to go back to school to start to look for that.’ She was hitting so many of the things I knew were true about her, I was almost at a loss for words. However, I knew it was my turn to say something. ‘Hey,’ I said to her, ‘you know, I think that’s a great idea. Weren’t you going to stop by school to get their schedule of classes for the spring?’ ‘Yeah, I did and I don’t know how I’m going to do it,but I’m going to try to take a full credit load and continue to work. It’ll be hard, I know, but I’ve got to try it, at least for one semester and see how it goes. I don’t have. Mom, now she was a big question. I began to doubt her story about Uncle Fred; it sounded all too convenient, her telling me it when she did. Whatever her problem was, I was pretty sure it had to do with my father and not me. She said she wanted a daughter but I wasn't sure.Now what should I be: a maid, a daughter, or a sissy boy? Ah shit!! I didn't want to be any of those things. I knew I could go back as a boy; but did I want to? I wasn't sure. Or I could go further as a girl; but could I? I thought about that until my head ached.For a long time I just moped around the house. "Honey, Why don't you try setting your hair. It's looking really limp, you know." I knew she was right. All I can say is that I tried. I remembered all Mom told me, at least I think so, but I just couldn't roll my hair very well. It had been weeks, months, since Mom first set my hair and I was surprised at how long it had grown. Sure the top was fairly easy, but how was a guy, a girl, to see in back of her.
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