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A pair of black knee high boots with killer heels, over a pair of fishnet stockings that you could just see the top of underneath a red and white plaid skirt. Over that she wore a tight low cut top and she had obviously gone to the trouble of propping up her cleavage, something I noticed she had been doing a lot lately, even at school. She looked as she probably intended to look: like one of the dirtiest, sluttiest nymphos in the neighbourhood. It was no coincidence that she only went out when her parents weren’t around. That was usually while I was there though, so I was only treated to the sight of her for 10 minutes a night at most. She dominated my sexual fantasies however – every night when I masturbated porn didn’t come into it. The thought of fucking her was enough to drive me wild. I kind of wanted her to notice me, maybe talk to me so I could put a voice to my fantasy. It came to the point where the fact that she was my best friend’s sister was irrelevant. All I wanted was. Free from the pain, the lies, the suffering, the broken promises… free from the thoughts that my dad doesn’t love me. He surely did. The beast was bigger than him. ‘Let your tears come. Let them water your soul.’ ~Eileen Mayhew The week between his death and his funeral was hard. I cried. Each time I cried, another sliver of my heart replaced itself. I was healing from the inside out. The day my mother and I went to do his hair, I was appalled at his appearance. He’d gotten more gray hair since the last time I’d seen him. He had no make up on yet, and he was under harsh white lights. His face was marked from the oxygen mask, and his mouth was drawn down to one side from the breathing tube. I gasped for air, feeling like someone punched me in the stomach. Seeing him, all I could say and think was, ‘Oh, Dad.’ He looked so bad, but he was still so handsome. I had a break down right there in the casket room at the funeral home. I hit my knees on the floor in front of the table, and.
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