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I venture to guess you do it because you want to still be that girl he wanted nothing more than to protect when foul traitors to your House unleashed their designs upon you. And he does still see you that way, in part. That is part of his problem.He still sees you as the “One he could not save”, despite the fact that he did everything that could conceivably be asked of a scared boy. And I saw his face in that unguarded moment where he started to view your message. Seeing you again as you were before that day is a reminder to him of all that was taken from you, a burden that he thinks is his to bear. I think you and I both know differently, but he still dreams of the impossible, the path where he came up with some brilliant plan to keep the two of you safe until your House security could track you down. He blames himself for that impossibility. That first night, when he woke me with his thrashing, he actually knocked me off his bed in his panic, scaring me greatly, not for my own. Bridges can't be un-crossed. Bells can't be un-rung.Dicks can't be un-sucked.Lots of people I'd known had tried to go back to being "just friends" after a relationship; none had succeeded. It wasn't that they couldn't be on friendly terms anymore, or even be perfectly comfortable around each other; it's just that once the relationship line had been crossed, there was no going back. Those people could only move forward, accepting what had happened as a part of their past and constructing a new friendship from that point on.Even though Nick and I had never been in such a relationship, a line had still been crossed. Going back to the old friendship, as wonderful as that might be, was impossible. Nick had told me as much this morning, when he admitted that he wouldn't be able to erase his memory. If I wanted to continue being his friend, I couldn't just sweep this under the rug. And really, if I wanted this to be a TRUE friendship, then I had to start being a BETTER friend than I had.
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