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But seeing as she has, and because I'm contractually obliged, and definitely not because I have any interest whatsoever in whatever it is she's going to mither on about, let's go 'to the letter'. Dear Ms Cumble-dee Cumble-dumbI have recently commenced a degree course in Environmental Science at Edinburgh Uni, Scotland, and it was suggested to me by my roommate, Natasha, that I contact you regarding my relationship situation. She seems to think your empathetic yet no-nonsense style is just what I need to work things out in my head. She told me that just now while she was conducting an online toy demonstration for a married gentleman who wants gift ideas for his wife; she's very good at multi-tasking that way, besides having many thought-provoking ideas regarding how a girl might fund her way through college. But I digress...I went to school in a London comprehensive, where for the past two years I have been dating a very sweet boy named Barry. He and I have been very close, despite. It was the onlyphysical part left of my wife that hadn't ended up in her grave. I couldtell that Dennis sensed this. "Don't worry, after she is cloned there will be more where this camefrom. Now what age was she when she passed away?" "26. She was much too young to die." "But now she will live again. Ha Ha Ha." He exclaimed. "Oh I have got tocut down on those Christopher Lee movies. Alright, I will get back to youafter the security check has been completed." "Thank you." The next month were filled with paperwork asking for details about allfacets of my life, even going back to elementary school. I even had to listevery teacher I ever had. It was as if stern sixty year old women with bunhairdos were suddenly being viewed as subversive threats. Or it was if thegovernment suddenly had the outlook of a seven year old child. It was awonder that they didn't ask for details about my potty training or all myyears spent watching Romper Room. Maybe the magic mirror only saw.
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