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That short, intense life could be richer than dreams of roses, but I'm expected to live a long time and not to discover my sexual self for many more years... maybe when I'm twenty-one it's supposed to happen... and at thirteen that seems like another century.In the stormy evening when our families go off to bed one by one, leaving us to lantern light and the fire burning down to glowing ashes, our eyes want to meet and detonate the charged air. But we are both suddenly afraid of something, so we agree without words to dance. His fingers at my waist feel like misplaced coals, and when the phonograph winds slowly to a stop, neither of us moves to restart it. The rushing of the rain water down the dry gullies outside is now very loud. All the earth's messages seem to tell us to come together, and our eyes finally engage in that long-deferred glance.But there are stirrings of late-night activity from our family, and we are reminded that the planet is not solely our own. A spark has. He was too much in love with his wife and not unaware of the impediments his own inability to perform sexually presented. And beyond the bit of adultry, Ada was the perfect wife, hostess, and intellectural foil for Stanfield. As 1940 moved into 1941, that gathering storm in the outside world began intruding into Ada and Stanfield’s idyllic paradise. Stanfield spent more and more time at the embassy in increasingly frustrating problem solving in a corner of the world that was slowly being isolated and beleaguered by the rising sun of the Japanese empire. For her part, Ada remained sunny side up to the Kuala Lumpur international community, but her true feelings could be seen in her painting. This would forever be known as her ‘gray’ period. She was still painting the lush foliage of the Malayan jungle, but her painting was now being done in monochrome—in white and shades of gray and black. Just like a photograph, just like those other photographs, the one on J. Harvey Kincaid’s.
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