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The following is a tongue-in-cheek story inspired by The Calendar Girls:‘And now ladies, I will announce the results of the home made preserves contest: In third place was Mrs Patterson’s beetroot chutney. The second prize goes to Mrs Hamilton-Smythe with her celery and walnut conserve. The first prize once again is taken by the Reverend Betty Finch with her delicious damson jam.’A ripple of applause rang round the Widebotham village hall.The chairman, Mrs Elsie Rippendale, a relative newcomer to the village having lived there for a mere twenty years was still viewed with a degree of suspicion by some of the members. How had she, a Leeds woman, a newcomer to the Dales risen to assume the chairmanship? A relative stranger from the big city. The cheek of it.Mrs Rippendale continued:‘Now ladies, I come to the third item on our agenda: The Annual Calendar. As you will all be aware, we did extremely well with our Nude Calendar for several years. It was quite ground-breaking in its day and. It was on that night a guy asked me if I was male or female, and later that night walking home I was passing the local backstreet theatre, we all knew showed porn, for the lonely hearts in Newcastle.I had always fantizied about sitting in there, surrounded by men doing it where they sat, and I was like a fly on the wall, looking at each man in his private area as he relieved himself.I stopped and have to admit, my heart was pounding between my small breasts, I was so close, in fact this was the closest I ever got to being here, and took a deep breath and went upto the foyer and looked at the images on display.Of course the area was deserted, not even an attendant, so I looked and got braver by the minute as I edged closer to the door leading into the foyer.Suddenly and unexpectantly I pulled the door open and there I was, standing in the dark plush interior, and with an act of bravado I walked towards the ticket booth, manned by an old lady, probably hitting close to sixty years old.I.
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