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I'm down at the bar here. Are you ready?" I need a few minutes." Sorry. I came a little early." Why don't you have a drink at the bar," I said. "Come up in about fifteen minutes." Sounds good, baby. I got your wine." Thanks," I said. "I'll see you in a few."As we hung up, Bill gave a smooch into the phone. I liked that since it let me know he was open to kissing. I planned to start with a kiss when I opened the door as an ice breaker, anyway. So, now I knew he would like it, too.I still had to put on makeup, eyeliner and lipstick, plus polish my finger nails and toes, so there was a mad hurry to get ready, now. Men don't know all a girl goes through to get ready for a date, but she wants to look her best to please them. After doing my face and nails, I put on a little perfume. Now, I was ready.I put on my sexy black stiletto high heels and looked at myself in the full length mirror on the closet door. I was truly a sexy and sensational lingerie model and, except for my hard clitty. “I think you have always known that.” I have. Even now there are doubts hanging, lingering as if I had not put my entire existence into her happiness. Begrudged heart separated from how it all began. I slowly came to the realization that it was out of my hands. “I do love you.” I reiterated my stance. To be shunned and castrated from your life-love demanded more than just soft words and idle threats. Yet I still cling to inane attempts at saving face or dreams “I love you,”- how foolish that must sound to the strong and the bold. “I love you,”- yes goddamn you, I wish I had never spoken those words. I found myself smiling with embarrassment and humiliation. Yet I still dream- even now- there are no escapes from my prison. I am forced to move forward and never, ever look back. For my passions are not lighthearted in nature, neither are they lacking in enthusiasm. And for those of you that dismiss my endeavors with not so much as an acknowledgement, I say to you, we are of one body.
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