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But I reckoned there was no harm in putting on a show for the parents – see Vatican rule one. About halfway through the girl started seizing and I realised it wasn’t due to demonic possession but a serious epileptic fit. I aborted the exorcism and called an ambulance. Having broken both rules, I was summarily defrocked and dismissed and they repossessed my company BMW. What did they expect me to do in that situation - continue the exorcism and pretend the seizure was demonic?Although I was no longer ‘Father’, my reputation meant that I continued to get calls for my help, in this case from Father Conrad at St Joseph’s. I hadn’t yet found a way to earn a living from it so I was currently working part-time on a zero hours contract as a cashier with my local supermarket.“What seems to be the problem?” I asked.“It’s my wheelbarrow,” replied Keith. “Ever since it was painted it’s been possessed.”“Don’t be rude,” interjected Tansy. “Invite the man in.”“Of course, do come in. I’ll show you. "Now, just so none of you worry yourselves into autoeuthenasia, let me assure you that the paralysis you're now experiencing is for your own good and is designed to help ensure the transformation you will make will be as pleasant as possible. The little 'snack' you all consumed has effectively placed many of your bodily functions into hibernation. For the next several weeks, you will not need to eat, drink, urinate, or defecate. Yes, you will lose weight, but, since many of you currently have an alternate body image, that is for the best. Now, on to step two." With a loud clap of her hands, Dr. Valerian summoned forth from the darkness a group of featureless, sexless beings. "For the duration of the study," she said, "these drones will be looking after you. Right now, they will circulate among you to prepare you for the second step of your liberation from the yoke of male-dominated society. This will require the placing of a number of electrodes directly into your brain. To maintain.
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