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I want to, and I'm afraid.Daniel. Of me?That did it, no I am not afraid of my own son, suddenly I knew what I was going to do.Me. No, I am not afraid of you. Pizza again tonight, on real plates, no paper. Tonight.Daniel. You are TFAHe must have caught my drift. Now knowing something was in the works he backed off giving me the breathing room that I desperately needed. He was disappointed at dinner time to see what I was wearing, not the spandex. I smiled and ignored the hurt look on his face. I casually told him that after dinner he might want to go to his room and get ready for bed. But not to forget his phone. I would get dressed to wash the dishes.Not a question, not a word, he kept eating like it is normal for someone to "get dressed " to wash the dishes. He ate in record time and almost ran to his room.I went to my room and changed. I went nude underneath the black spandex, then nude again under the sheer black nylon top that I bought. My breasts and nipples were clearly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."After he left, I couldn't sleep. I curled up in the dark and cried, wishing it had all been a dream. I cursed myself for having sex with a dog. I hated myself for it, and God as well, asking him why He had to make me that way. I hadn't wanted to like it, I just did. Doing things, sexual things with that animal had felt normal. I felt an attraction for Muddy that I should have felt for boys, but didn't. I prayed to God and all His angels asking them to help me. I promised I'd never do it again, if they saved me from my brother. I'd do anything God wanted if He'd just make this nightmare go away.I woke up frightened. As if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on me, I jerked wide awake with the expectation of seeing Josh standing at the foot of my bed. Maybe I'd been dreaming, but I couldn't remember, my only thought was that sleep was dangerous. I had an enemy now.Usually I put on a t-shirt, a long sleepy-t that I took off every night, just to cover my body.
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