Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your chromosomes are half-chance. So are everyone else's.Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it. Finger the greatest instrument you'll ever own.Model, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.Read the directions and follow them, because you'll never find that store or that wizard back.Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.Come out to your parents. You never know, you might get rid of them for good. Be nice to your siblings, but not too nice, because incest is wrong.Understand that friends come and go, but lovers come and come and come again, but your real friends you'll hold on to when you come out. Work hard to bridge the gaps between male and female, because the older you get, the more the people who knew you when you were young will need to get with the times.Masturbate, but stop before it makes you. I am the senior speaker to God and due the respect such a position demands. If you treat me harshly, God will certainly treat you just as harshly."DOUG: "In that case, Your Exalted Highness, I apologize for my harsh words. However, we do need to know why you are advancing on us with what appears to us to be hostile intent. After all, we have never seen you before, so we have not done anything to you to justify destruction by you."PRISONER #1: "That is exactly why we are going to annihilate you. You are not a believer in our God, so we have a duty to remove your contamination from His world."DOUG: "OK, now I think I understand what is going on. If I am correct, you have declared a holy war on us and plan to wipe us from the face of the Earth. Furthermore, you plan to do this to all other infidels that you encounter. Is that correct?"PRISONER #1: "You are remarkably intelligent for an infidel. Yes, that is exactly what we plan to do."DOUG: "Is there anything that we could do to change.
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