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The Coast Guard had a chopper patrolling, saw the guy, and hovered overhead. “Tie yourself into the rope! We can pull you to safety!”, they ordered.The guy waved them off. “I have The Lord! I’ll be OK!”The Coast Guard flew off.Shortly, the waters pushed the house off it’s foundations, it collapsed, crushing and killing the guy.So, there he was, seated on the bench outside The Pearly Gates, bitching and moaning. “Dammit, I put my faith in The Lord, and He abandoned me! I trusted Him, and now look at me! Sunuvabitch!”St. Peter was strolling in, early to start his workday. He overheard the guy, set his coffee down, and approached him. “Excuse, me, aren’t you the guy who drowned when his house collapsed into the floodwaters?”The guy looked up at St. Peter. “Yeah! I put my trust in The Lord, and He abandoned me!”“Whoah, fella! Slow down! The Boss was talking about you in the PX last night. Lemme see if I heard all this right, ok?”The guy, sullenly, replied, “OK, shoot!”“So, The Lord sent. "I never lied to you!" Yes, you did! You were never separated from your wife. You cheated on her with me."I could not make out his response but Lillian's voice certainly carried."Elaine told me of the dinner at your house. Darling here, darling there. Not a bad word between you. You lied, Theo! Damn, why did I have to be so stupid? One last time to part in friendship, wasn't it? Where the fuck did you get that condom? Was in in your fucking wallet since high school?"Only murmur from his part."Broken, my ass! You knew I was off the pill. I thought you were being careful."The man's voice sounded pleading. But Lillian really got going."Oh stop whining! You're such a wimp! Why would I tell your wife, huh? To get you? I wouldn't take you if you were the last man on earth, that is if you were a man at all. I have found a real man, one who has a sense of responsibility. Let me tell you that he's a much better lover as well."Mystery man was angry now and his voice carried. "Is he? Well, are.
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