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I don't think I've even asked their names the past few times. Thankfully, they don't mind that.Sometimes there are handsome ones who come along who seem nice enough but I prefer to blindfold them beforehand. Truth be told, I do it because I can't stand the thought of another man that I'm attracted to seeing how ugly I am underneath my clothes. Gratefully, they don't mind that either.Some of them I still seek out as well, since a few have given me what I need in this aspect of my life. Choking, slapping, and all the rough pounding help me forget as well as serve as a reminder. I can take some pleasure alongside the pain, but my greatest enjoyment is being able to wake up without feeling heartbreak from all sides.I enjoy being able to get lost in pleasure somehow but, naturally, I long for myself to be whole again. I want to feel as I felt before all this, for my mind to go back and forget absolutely everything. I no longer want to feel like I'm broken into tiny pieces that are. . but all are emotional and depressed, but still so alive!I remember getting eyes from young nice nieces in teen age at the front row - me sitting right behind!I remember long talks with red wine with the very best lady friend of my mourning niece whose guy diedIn the internet it is different - I think only her best friend not far in the US, attended her funeralIn the internet her other friends shared their feeings at the page of our beloved one - now in Heaven!Most of her friends shared some strange semi-official religion: basicly believing in Mother Earth!My Lisa Love was one of them, easy to understand why she soon intrigued me most of all her friendsLisa Love - that is how I prefer to refer to her, as her username only will confuse almost allFirstly her username intrigued me, I looked up her page: still only eighteen, apparently very pretty!First contact was by me, asking about her relation with our diseased friend who was gone, as her pageI was curious for the reasons she chose.
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