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We met the next night in a dream, reclining in an autumn painted orchard by a river bed. On a quilted blanket of down we held each other without restraint, lost in each others gaze that we had dared not fall prey to in waking hours. For when else but in the forgiving shrouds of dream can one hope to know such perfection without the threat of madness. A timeless passage of hours held me within those eyes until I died to be born anew. My hand brushed hers and made a slow, deliberate ascension along her forearm and passed her elbow where my fingertips could grace to the soft parts of her flesh where the joints met. Cupping her shoulder I dared the first kiss and drank of her lips as if they were ripened fruit. My breath failed me as if being expelled to make room for the passion that was swelling within me. When she returned the kiss I was filled with her breath, exchanged for my own and we collided as one. Her hands on me anchored my soul to my flesh at the same time her kiss set my. “Yes, Katie,” she is saying. “I – I’m so sorry.”Whatever for? I want to ask, but not sure quite how to say it. My fingers are still inside me but there is no afterglow. Now I hear…tears?“Evie, what is it? Are you okay?” My arms ache to hold her. I know she is crying, but why? I slide my fingers out of my vagina, which now feels cold and clammy and totally inert.“Katie…I couldn’t…I didn’t…I’m not right for you.”Now it hits me. My orgasm had been just for me. I had not helped, hadn’t tried to empathise with her needs, hadn’t said things to carry her along with me. My own hungry cunt, that’s all I’d cared about. I am feeling shame and guilt, shame at my selfishness, guilt at the way I have used her as a fantasy object.“Oh, Evie,” I say at last. “You didn’t come. It doesn’t mean anything. And it’s my fault. I got carried away. I didn’t wait for you. I didn’t help you at all.”There is a long silence before she says: “I couldn’t do it. I tried to.
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