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I wanted to have a family, like my parents. The dream was gone... At some point I decided to quit the SM Studio period in my life. When I therefore was harassed by frustrated former customers, my limit was reached... One day I made a suicide attempt :-( Again thanks to Evert-Jan and Lindsay their love and care for me, I failed on that one…After I tried to commit suicide, I was hospitalized for over half a year. And not a normal hospital, but the type of hospital where you were tied up and d**gged 24 hours a day... Lindsay and Evert-Jan were shocked when they discovered this and tried to get me out. But in the beginning they were powerless, because according to the experts this was needed for me to recover... Doctors with methods that were used for centuries, because they did not know better :-(Thanks to their perseverance Lindsay and Evert-Jan found a Swiss doctor, specialized in cases like me. So when he took over control (after Evert-Jan had to persuade the hospital with legal. Then I swallowed hard, summoning up my courage as best I could. Well, here goes nothing, I thought as I turned to her. "Mom, I was thinking about Dad, remembering how strict he could be sometimes. And I sort of, well, have a question about that. Did he ever... punish you?" I asked. My mother's face had gone slightly pale. She gazed at me for a long moment. Then, looking away, she quietly replied, "Yes. He used to spank me whenever he decided that I'd crossed the line." Emboldened by that knowledge, I continued. "Did he do that to you on the day he died?" "No," she replied. "He told me that I was lucky he was running late, or he would have turned me over his knee and spanked me like a bad little girl." She sniffled, on the verge of tears. "He... he promised to do it when he g-got back..." "Well, maybe if he had, you wouldn't feel so guilty about what happened," I said, cutting her off before she began to cry again. Then, taking a deep breath, I plowed ahead. "Anyway, since.
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