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"... I really just want him to hold me. He keeps telling me that ourintimacy will help me and maybe it will. I'm just not in the mood.Can't the guy just pull me close to him until I'm ready?"And I wasn't ready. So I tended to the house and tended to myself,focusing on healing from within. I cried alone a lot. Going throughwhat I went through is, in my opinion, a no-win situation. It changesyour viewpoint on things in life forever. Even Ryan, who I loved andwho was kind, when I looked at him, sometimes I would begin to thinkabout what I would do if he hit me or forced himself on me. What couldI have done? He would have overpowered me. He could have beaten theshit out of me. He never would have, but those are the things you thinkabout. You question people. You question yourself. It took me monthsto be intimate with him again and it caused a lot of problems. Evenwhen I thought I was over the hump, I wasn't.Diary Entry: July 2008We had it out again tonight. That makes six. Main mumbai me ek mnc company me kaam karta hoon aur marine lines ke pass ek apartment me 4th floor me rehta hoon, aaj say karib 3 mahina pahle ke bhat hai tab rim zim baris ka mahina chal raha tha ,mare baju me 1 vidva aunty or uski 9years ki beti rent par rahne aayi thi .aunty bahut kubsurat thi aunty ka nam minakshi tha aunty 45year old thi aunty ki figar size 40:36:40 tha minakshi aunty kay sath mare ache khashi friendship ho chu ki thi .kabhi ghar par aunt kuch na kuch lene ate thi or may bhi jan buz kay aunty ke ghar kuch na kuch lene jata tha .aunty ke bati morning me school jati to karib 2 baje dophar ko aati khana khane ke bad turant classes me jate to shaam ko aate. Ya us din ki bat hai jab aunty ki bati 4 dino ke liye apni nani ma ke ghar gayi thi. Ghar pay aunty akeli thi mai bhi ghar par akela hi raha karta hoon. May ghar par safai kar raha tha tabhi may gir gaya or mare tango kay bich may moch a gayi may ghar kay 1 kone me wasi he bata tha tabi aunty mare ghar may akar.
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