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It started with subtle glances across the bar, discreet touches as we passed each other. Within weeks things had progressed nicely. He’d come to join me at the bar, stand with his hand caressing the small of my back, his other hand resting softly on my knee. He was never assuming and this intrigued me, he was so different to the guys I was used to. But still I continued to maintain my distance, always leaving before the end of the night, never saying goodbye, and yet week after week he’d be there. Until one night he wasn’t. I was devastated, and proceeded to drink far more than was sensible. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t there, he was always there, nor was he in any of the other bars. Finally as the heavens opened and the rain poured down I stumbled home, feeling dejected and insecure. And there he was, standing in my doorway, waiting. He turned toward me as I walked toward him, and without speaking he pulled me to him, his lips finally finding mine as the rain soaked through. It just happened." Holy crap, that's awful, Kath. How are you feeling?" I feel like shit. They did this D and C thing on me to get everythingout, and they gave me some drugs. I can't believe it - I was gonnaabort it, and now it doesn't matter, you know? It happened all byitself. But now I feel so guilty, that I was gonna do that. I was gonnakill my own baby." But you didn't have to ..." I know ... but I still feel so terrible. The baby DIED, Sandy. When itwas still in me."What's crazy was, I'd just read a story in one of the magazines about awoman who lost her baby that way. Except she was married and theywanted a baby really badly. But she miscarried and the story was abouthow she had all this guilt, even though everyone told her there'snothing she could've done to prevent it. I found it fascinating tolearn more about how women's minds work, but I never in a million yearsexpected that Kath would be going through the same thing! Still, Ithink it made me better prepared to be the.
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