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I gave him that permission a couple of years ago when we were still both sure that we wanted children. Since then, I've had second thoughts. He knows this, of course.With the difficult decisions that would have to be made for us to get pregnant by current medical means, I've had to think hard about what kind of parent I would be and if I really want to give up my current life in order to raise children.The truth is, for me, the price is too high for me to have children by another biological father or for us to adopt. I'm also not sure anymore if I would want to have children even if it were possible with my husband.Actually, I think that may be the first time I have spoken (or written) those thoughts out loud and unequivocally. My spoken thoughts have always been along the lines of, "I don't know but..."I have never told him that he shouldn't do it if he could. The door is still open to him. But if he were able to find a cure - to produce sperm of his own and get them inside of me - I. I mentioned that I might not be welcomed. "You will be, I promise. You'll see."Sam, who now worked for the Bastions, was there of course to greet me. God, it was good to see him. He grabbed me and gave me a hug. I suspected he was somewhat lonely. All of this time, I kept my eyes on Helen. Her two sons held back from her at first. It was as if they didn't know their mom. This soon changed as she hugged them. "How long are you home for this time, Mommy?" I'm home for good, Scotty. Brad, how you have grown. You're getting to be quite the young man. Oh, I love you both." There were happy tears streaming down her face.Sam led me off to the side, knowing I didn't want to intrude on Helen's homecoming. I thought back to when I was married to Connie. At the moment I regretted that we weren't together and wished I was reconnecting with family like Helen was doing. Then I remembered what had transpired in the last two years. All in all, I believe I was happier now than I had at any time.
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