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I haven’t been able to sleep for weeks, as this whole thing has been preying on my mind. Finally I felt that the only thing I could do--the only fair thing was to tell you. To tell you exactly what happened and ask, no beg your forgiveness. What was this? What on earth had happened? What was she saying? Please, dear sister, let me tell you the whole story. If I were you I might try to jump ahead through this letter, but I hope that you are able to read what I have written as I have written it; perhaps that way you’ll understand that I never ever meant you any harm, nor to hurt you. I have to admit the thought had crossed my mind but, Mari was my sister after all. The least I could do was read her letter as she intended it read. It all started the evening that I went over to your house for dinner with Oscar. We had both been working really hard but had carved out one evening--one Saturday evening when neither of us needed to work the following day. We hadn’t seen each other in months. As soon as she arrived home I could see she was in a friendlier mood. She was still relatively curt and distant, but she asked after my health (to which I could honestly reply that I had never felt better) and let me make her a cup of tea. After we had had something to eat (the usual slam-in-the-microwave pre-packed meal), we sat down in the front room to talk. Feeling I still needed more mental rehearsal time for my begging ‘don’t leave me’ speech, I let her go first. ‘Look,’ she said after a long, awkward silence, ‘I’ve been thinking. I was wrong to say what I did last night when — you know…’ She trailed off. I made an encouraging gesture. ‘I was wrong,’ she said again. ‘It wasn’t fair to say it when I did. You’d just lost your uncle. I apologise. And …’ she paused, ‘I’m still upset but we shouldn’t make such important decisions at a time like this, so can we have a cooling-off period until after the funeral, then we’ll take stock, OK?’ Hugely relieved, I tore up the begging speech.
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