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"It's a yes or no question. Do you want to go?"Part of me wonders if I'm testing him, trying to see if a small thing like this will make him angry. I've done it before."Yes." Me too," I smile then, forgiving him, showing him that all I need is clarity.I've told him it's my thing, my fantasy, my goal. To be absolutely understood. I think he's forgotten, or more likely he doesn't understand how quickly my direction can change. I leave my pie unfinished, my coffee cooling in the harsh glare of safety and follow him out.As we cross I-5 on our way to West Seattle I look at my reflection in the glass. The old me, the new me, is there a difference? I'm beginning to wonder and it seems foolish to think in those terms now, sitting here with a stranger. I should have called someone, gotten his address and left a message for my Dad, telling him where I'd be just in case. That's the new me. The old me embraces the image of my father pacing alone, wondering, waiting ... Punished by my deliberate. I mentioned the function coming up on the weekend, and my husband kissed me sweetly as he got up from the table clearing the plates, and said, “You are so dedicated. I hope they realize what an amazing employee you are." Later on, I replied to the email that I was available, and would be in touch on Saturday. I started getting ready for the “date” early in the evening, sent my new client a confirmation, and told him to meet me at a wine bar in a trendy area just outside of the downtown core. As I left the house, he sent me another message. He said he lived just around the corner from the bar I’d chosen, and asked if I would mind meeting him at his place. As I got into the car with my driver, I asked his advice. He said to do it if I was comfortable, and he would wait just outside the door. I trusted him, as we had been very good friends and co workers for years. I’m sure he also wouldn’t mind sleeping with me. We’ve always been very flirty with each other and it didn’t take much.
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