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Jenny even laughed at my efforts and good humouredly made fun of them. I saw this as another indication that she and I had begun to work together. Between us we cooked a special evening meal and I offered her a glass of wine. I couldn't have any because of my permanent medication. With candles flickering on the table, it could have been a romantic meal but Jenny still showed a great deal of reserve and shied away a bit if I came too close. For my part, never having been around girls in a romantic situation, made me shy too and unwilling to push my luck. For the most part we acted more as acquaintances or siblings rather than friends and certainly not as lovers. We didn't even sit together on the settee to watch TV but sat on separate chairs. Towards the end of the programme, I noticed she looked very sad but I didn't feel that I could pry into the reasons although I wondered if I was the cause or if it was not being able to be with her family for Christmas or being 'imprisoned' in. As time went by he became entrenched in his private existence. He spent most evenings visiting many porn sites, feeling quite naughty knowing that his parents would have been horrified. Mark found that he felt quite content, a feeling he had not experienced in his life before. He stopped feeling so guilty about masturbating. One day, quite by accident, he clicked on a link and found himself on a porn site for trans people and cross dressers. He looked at the page and felt a sudden panic attack. Quickly he clicked to get off the site and it went to another trans page. Then he shut down his computer and sat there for a few moments breathing heavily. His mind was suddenly awash with thoughts that he could be found out, even though it was just a few seconds. His father would almost certainly kill him, (metaphorically speaking of course) bringing much shame to his family, that he could do such a thing. He turned his computer back on and deleted his search history and then went to bed.
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