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As much as they looked down on her she knew what they were really about. They all wanted something from him, just waiting for him to hit it big, riding along on his coat tails, getting antsy and eager now that success seemed imminent. She never wanted anything from him, she just wanted HIM. The girls, always around but never before threatening to her, had become more aggressive lately. She’d seen their snide looks and registered their jealousy, but felt confident, smug even, in the knowledge that what he shared with her was bigger than lust. Stronger than ambition. He was hers no matter what. Forever. That’s what he’d said. Liar. ‘Goddamn mother fucking liar!’ Her voice surprised her when it came out thick and slurred. She must have drunk way more than she thought. The rosy glow in the east grew and she held the bottle up to the light, measuring her drunkenness in amber inches. Fuck. Her thumb struck the wheel. Fuck him. The flame glowed with gentle warmth in her hand. Fuck them. "There isn't anyone I need to reconcile ... Oh." Vanessa frowned as she thought for a moment. "There isn't anyone I want to reconcile with. That person can't affect me anymore." You can't close yourself off and expect to succeed in your training," Tanya told her, speaking softly and endearingly as she could. "Your heart needs to be open – free of pain and willing to experience anything." And you think I can't do that?" Vanessa growled, her mood ruined along with her appetite. "Have a free and happy heart that embraces the world? Well, you may be right, but I won't let you judge me! I'll either succeed or I'll fail – on my own merits!" There are no failures," Tanya told her. "There are, however, different levels of success, mostly depending on your goals – what you want to accomplish from your training." My training?" Vanessa asked, a sad smile on her face. "I need training in something – I just wish I knew what. I don't think Phoenix training is it. There aren't any textbooks that.
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