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Bullshit. Maybe, if you had come to me, we could have prevented it."Who knows if that was true or not? Would I have listened to her? Really listened to her concerns and taken them seriously? I was so busy then, and frankly have never been a great listener. If she had come to me right away, would I have gotten us in to see a professional? Given the way I am, or was, almost certainly not. I would have given her lip-service reassurance, I suppose. Tried to explain away her concerns: we're going through a change; new house, new baby, new city new business for me, and new career as a mommy for you. Still, she didn't let me in until it was too late by far.I didn't want to listen to her reasons.I know she had to have felt lonely, vulnerable, alone. Still, it was no excuse; she should have talked to me, rather than kept it inside like that. I never would have expected her to go to another with her problems, fears and concerns, and phase me out. But she did."You should have come to me. You. Just keep doing what you're doing."She began to grimace. As her core muscles started to fatigue, she began to use her hands and her legs to pull up. Slowly, those knees that were pressed together started to open. Her black cotton panties were right in front of me."Keep your elbows in and use this" I reached forward and sharply tapped her abs with three fingers. Lord knows how many times my trainers and coach had screamed me through my core workouts.45. She was working hard now, but not quitting. Then all of a sudden at 47, she hit a wall. A frantic look appeared in her eyes."I ... can't." 15 more. You can do this." No. I can't."I looked directly into her eyes as she came up for her 48th. "Don't you dare stop. Do you understand me. You finish this for me."She closed her eyes, and dropped her head in assent, then did two more. She was tensing up again, thinking about how much she had left.‘Who is in charge here?’ I asked her. If I am to be honest, I didn’t know the answer to that.
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