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"Yeah...typical man talk," she laughed, "You'll look, trust me." I told her I would be driving with my eyes shut to prove my word, and she laughed and removed her top exposing a plain black bra holding what looked to be 34C breasts. Her skirt had ridden well up her thighs as she sat with her legs crossed. "So, Trev, are you getting any?" she laughed. Per my usual sarcastic attitude, I replied, "Sure, Donna...if my right hand isn't busy." She broke out laughing, and told me that was a "damn shame." We arrived at her place, and she invited me inside for a warm drink. I sipped hot cocoa as she went to shower, and began to think she was really quite attractive in a subtle way. She called out to me, and I walked to the bathroom door. From inside the shower, she said, "Will you please check the pockets of my skirt...think I may have lost my keys...the skirt is on my bed." I walked into her bedroom and lifted the skirt to find her keys in a back pocket. As I lifted the skirt, the plain. . carpet muncher, get it?"Subtlety has never been my big sis's best asset. We finally sat. I was still very worried about a faux pas from my loving nutritionist. Then it happened!As I began pouring two gallons of gravy (as lumpy as one of the Three Stooges skulls) over five pounds of lumpier mashed potatoes, she could remain silent no longer. "Do you know what that crap is doing to your body?"Her diatribe brought jeers and profanities from others across the table. Soon, clumps of spuds were being launched at us by spoon catapults. It was like "Game of Thrones, the Vegan Years." I had to get her out of there before chainsaws were deployed. She is mine to protect. This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my... Spring with. I must admit I have an intense fear of commitment, it's like a disease. But she's my girl today and I'll fight for her. I took her hand and we fled, hurdling rose bushes and drainage ditches as my family lit torches and began the classic angry mob pursuit, fresh.
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